If you're raising a teenager right now, chances are you’ve had at least one conversation, argument, or quiet worry about phones. Maybe it's the late-night scrolling. Or that side-eye look they give when you try to speak to them mid-TikTok. Or maybe it’s the sense that their whole world lives behind a screen you can’t access and sometimes don’t understand.
It’s easy to feel like phones are the enemy. But underneath the screen time battles, there’s something deeper going on - something developmental, emotional, and very human.
Teenagers are in the middle of one of the most intense transitions of their lives. Their brains are wired for excitement, for connection, and for figuring out who they are. And phones, for better or worse, offer all of that in one small device. A place to belong, to be seen, to escape, to experiment. It’s not just about distraction. It’s about identity, emotion, and survival in a fast-moving world.
So when we look at our teens glued to their screens, it's worth pausing before we react. Because behind that behaviour is often something else - a longing for connection, a fear of missing out, a need to feel something, or a way to regulate emotions they don't yet know how to manage.
And yet, that doesn’t mean anything goes.
Teenagers still need boundaries. They need adults who are steady enough to say no when needed, and curious enough to ask why something matters to them. They need rules that make sense, but they also need to feel like they’re part of the conversation. The rules that stick are the ones they help create.
Most importantly, they need us - present, emotionally available, and engaged, even when they act like they don’t. They need to know that we're strong enough to hold the line and soft enough to hear their side of the story.
It’s not easy. The pull to control or panic is real. But the work is in staying connected, especially when the screen threatens to come between you. Ask questions. Listen more than you speak. Be willing to learn from them. And don’t be afraid to share how you feel too - not to guilt them, but to show them that this relationship matters.
Parenting in the digital age is new territory for all of us. There’s no perfect script. But if we focus less on fighting the phone, and more on understanding what it represents for our teen - we open the door to connection, not conflict.
And in the end, that’s what they really need. Not just rules. Not just restrictions. But us - calm, curious, and committed to walking beside them as they figure it all out.
If you're finding this part of parenting overwhelming, you’re not alone. Supporting teens through the digital maze is complex, and sometimes it helps to have someone walk alongside you. I work with parents and young people to strengthen communication, build trust, and navigate these modern challenges with more clarity and confidence.
If that sounds like something your family or teen could benefit from, you're warmly welcome to reach out.
Declan Hester | September 2025
© 2025 Declan Hester. All rights reserved.
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